Over the last several weeks I’ve had the opportunity to have some deep conversations with some great friends; about life, struggles and even friendships. I loved the exchanges and honestly felt less alone. It seems like we are all going through the same shit, even feelings of inadequacy. 

I had some huge takeaways from these wonderful chats and thought I’d share as food for thought.

I know that we are all so easily distracted by the hustle and bustle of the day to day. Life gets so fucking busy that we all stop taking care of ourselves and we forget to check in on/make time for our people. We literally had so many things going on in our household that I bought a two month calendar to get shit straight. So I absolutely get it, we are all busy. But are we truly too busy to not make time for those that are important (including ourselves)? Even if it’s responding to a text (or initiating one), returning a phone call (being the one to make that call), making plans ahead of time (or going along with spontaneous ones). I’ve come to the conclusion that we aren’t, we just make excuses that we are. Don’t get me wrong, we are (myself included), exhausted from our responsibilities and often need to decompress without outside stimulation. No fault in that. But I feel like a lot of this has to do with social media. Hear me out. How many times have we had long days and didn’t want to respond to those messages or phone calls we got? Or we couldn’t be bothered to answer the call to begin with? Probably more times than you’d like to admit. But on those same days, how much time did you spend scrolling your social media accounts? We are all insanely guilty of this. That’s time you could have spent on meaningful relationships, as opposed to putting energy into ones that are likely surface level, or hell, as my husband would say “your friend that doesn’t know you exist…” Think about that the next time you hit the “fuck you” button and promise you’ll call that person back later (but you always forget). 

What about conflict in friendships/relationships? If/when you get into a petty argument or disagreement. Don’t let your pride stand in the way of your relationship. How stupid would it be to lose something so precious as a true friendship? Sometimes you may have to be the bigger person and talk first. Sometimes it’ll be received well, sometimes it won’t, but at least you gave it a solid effort and will know where you stand. That being said, don’t be afraid to say I’m sorry (try to refrain from following it up with the word “but” afterwards…). Just leave it short and sweet. A lot of times that’s all the other person is looking for. I, myself, am very much a vocal person when it comes to conflict. I typically allow for a cooldown period, but shit will be hashed out. The other person gets to say their peace, I get to say mine. Then we move forward. Or not. But at least nothing can be left open for misinterpretation for something spoken or unspoken and some resolution can hopefully be made. 

Finally, don’t be afraid to cut ties when needed. If a friendship is so one-sided you are not getting the love and respect you need. CUT THEM OUT! It shouldn’t fall on you to always be there for them if they don’t return the favor. Friendship is a reciprocation of mutual actions. It’s ok that it may turn into a surface level friendship. Shit, it may turn into something awkward AF, but it’s ok. Chances are, they weren’t helping you, they were hurting you. As we all go through different seasons of life, friends will come and go. And that’s perfectly fine. I believe that people are placed in our lives for a reason, sometimes that reason is to learn something about ourselves. Luckily I’m out of the phase where more is more. What’s important to me is quality over quantity. I’d much rather have my handful of ride-or-dies than 10k friends online (unless they’re all a part of this bad ass community I hope to build). But you get the idea. I don’t value my self worth on how many ‘likes’ a photo gets, or how many people wish me a happy birthday online. I value my self-worth on the people that find me reliable, a good listener, (I already know I’m funny but they can still reassure me), and know I would drop everything when a friend needed me to. You, too, should hold yourself to a higher standard, for those you want to surround yourself with. 

So moral of the story is be a better friend – to your friends – and to yourself. Find yourself a badass group of women (even call yourselves BFFAs, Dirty Little Funhavers, shmaams, the “Bad Moms” or the “Tres Amigos”) or friends in general, just find YOUR people. There are a lot of us out there that feel our cups are only half full right now. Don’t forget to check on your friends. Sometimes all it takes to fill that cup is some friend time. It’s good for the soul. Tell them you miss them, love them and cherish them.❤️