Parenting is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life. I’m approaching 36, so I have lived some life at this point. To be honest, I never thought I was cut out for parenthood. Frankly, there are days I continue to question whether I still am. How did God think I was capable of keeping little humans alive, don’t mind the whole trying to create an eventual productive member of society?

When I got pregnant with my daughter (now 6), I was scared out of my mind. Not just because I was responsible for something growing inside me, but because I couldn’t see what was happening. Was everything ok in there? The “Type A” personality in me was dying!!! I needed to be in some kind of control, and let me tell you (as most of you probably know) that couldn’t be further from the reality. I could have prepared by reading a shit ton of baby books, buttttt I chose not to. Truthfully, I’m glad I didn’t. With all of the literature out there, nothing could have prepared me (for a mini-me). Not to mention the fact that EVERY kid is different. Each kid will have different personalities. Different reactions. Different senses of humor. Different strengths and weaknesses. Why couldn’t parenthood just be one challenge. Not challenge on top of challenge? Once I gave birth I realized control was no longer a noun. It was a verb! And that shit was out the window!

With the new year having just come and gone, I always resolute to be a more patient mom. Ask me how that’s going. 

I do have to give myself some type of credit, my husband has even complimented the same, I have gotten a smidge better. You see, I have a temper. Some may not know that about me, I’d like to think I’m chill and easy going, but once my buttons are pushed…oh man….I’m 0-100 faster than any sports car on and off the market. (I should clarify – my temper only goes as far as yelling). I’m not proud of it. Sorry kids, this is the mom/stepmom you were given. I’m trying to work on it. I now recognize when I’m irrationally (probably not the right word because I’m extremely rational) upset. I take the time to yell. Put everyone in time out (myself included) and then reconvene to discuss why I lost my ever-loving mind. It’s a great way to explain cause and effect. Look at us learning and shit! After all is said and done and emotions and tempers have subsided, I always make it a point to discuss, and to apologize when warranted. I also like to see where they’re coming from and why they made the decisions they did. I will say, sometimes the outcome is simply because they chose to be an asshole. 

Speaking of assholes….does anyone else find it hard not to laugh at times when your kid starts acting exactly like you?? Like damn, that was funny as hell, but also you shouldn’t do/say that? The struggle is REAL!

Another resolution I’d like to work on, is being more present/intentional as a parent. With that comes its own challenges. As previously stated, it’s difficult for me to relax if I feel that my to-do list is 3 miles long. However, I do need to cuddle more. Play more games. Bake together. Make effortless memories. And simply enjoy. It’s so easy to take for granted the true blessings I have, many of which others would die for. I’d also like to be more present for my husband and my friends near and far. How quickly days pass and before you know it, it’s been weeks or months, maybe even years since you’ve spoken to that one friend. Here’s your reminder to reach out and tell those special peeps and tell them you miss them. 

To close this rambling session out, I’m hoping for some feedback. I’ve been kicking around some ideas of weekly segments for this blog. Something along the lines of “Things I lost my shit over this week;” or “Things I never thought I’d have to say”. What seems more appealing to you guys? Let me know!