Does anyone else feel tapped out? Beyond exhausted? Feel like you’re drowning? I feel like I’m failing in my personal life. My house is hardly ever clean. Clean laundry sitting in baskets for days on end. Toys everywhere. I rarely feel present. There are about 37 open tabs in my brain at all times. I’m a tired mom. Actually, a tired, (out of the home) working mom! I just feel like I dropped the ball and it’s rolling around, I’m trying to pick it up but I can’t because I’m 6 seltzers in. 

This year Christmas didn’t seem as magical to me (likely because of my funk). Don’t get me wrong, it was great! We were showered with love, surrounded by those we care about (minus those who live far away), and always with a full belly. I’m in a funk. I was torn between simply putting gifts under the tree for the sake of the kids having something to open, as opposed to gifts with true meaning or the gift of experiences. I know I’ll be sad when they don’t believe anymore, but I also kind of can’t wait for that day to come. It’s exhausting being Mommy/Daddy (shoutout to the single parents out there), Santa and that stupid fucking Elf (yes I said it)! Give credit where credit is due goddamnit. Not to mention the clutter and lack of appreciation because of the shear magnitude in which they receive gifts! It’s overwhelming. I’m so happy we have that and they can experience that. But sometimes it’s just too much. Also can we talk about having to be responsible for physically buying (not speaking money wise) all the gifts and then having to wrap all the gifts. Even simply wrapping everything was a task this year, it’s normally relaxing. Christmas music didn’t give me the same joyous feeling. (I’m normally very jolly – that person that listens to Christmas music in early November and decorates before Thanksgiving).

Looking around as I type this, there is stuffing from a dog toy strewn across the floor, dishes piled up in the sink, boxes on the counters, clothing on the bar stools (don’t ask me if they’re dirty or clean, I wouldn’t be able to tell you), Christmas ornaments that fell under the tree, and the list goes on and on. A hubby and child sitting on each couch, seemingly unbothered by the mess. Are you the only one bothered by the chaos in your house, or is it just me? I know this is on me, but I cannot sit down to relax unless the house is in some sort of order. But I’ve been so tapped out, that even I cannot bring myself to keep doing the same things over and over again. Picking up the same messes. Why does it seem to all fall on me? Part of this is the pressure I put on myself to hold the household down, but part of it is that it really does fall on me.

I’ve very recently started asking for help around the house, often falling on deaf ears. When I ask for the help, I obviously mean RIGHT NOW, otherwise I wouldn’t have asked, am I right?! Not a damn soul gets it though. If everyone would pull their own weight, perhaps picking up the whole pieces of freakin’ food you personally drop on the floor, or putting things back into the pantry…I’d certainly be a better version of myself! The truth is that if I don’t do it, it’ll just be there for me to do it in the morning. Sometimes I feel bad complaining because all of these problems are first world problems. There are so many more people out there that have it worse off. But it doesn’t negate the reality of how I truly feel in this current state. 

I. Just. Want. Help.

I know I’m not alone. So please don’t feel like you’re alone. Us Mama’s are Strong AF, otherwise God wouldn’t have made us give birth anddddddd have all the other responsibilities. This too shall pass…at least I flippin’ hope!

Tomorrow kicks off 2023. I’m going to try to obtain some sense of order in my house so I can work on getting out of this funk. Oh and lay down the law…these little bitches (said with love) are about to be held accountable for their own messes. Thanks for letting me bitch! 🙂 Wish me luck!